Yesterday? Not such a good day. I was at work for a mere 2 hours before receiving a sobbing phone call from Ally. I couldn't understand a word. She was like Will Ferrell in Anchorman when his dog gets dropkicked. I thought for sure that someone had died.
When I called her back I found out that no one had died. She had checked my yahoo mail account to see if someone had e-mailed me back about a used book that we were selling because she had another offer. There was no e-mail about a book. There was however, a frustrated e-mail from 6 months ago that mentioned that I wanted a break from our relationship. It was at this point that I was able to decipher what she had been saying in her sobbing message. She had kept saying, "I thought it was about the book" over and over.
So I'm at work and there are tears. Lots and lots of tears. And I couldn't stop crying. I took an illegal break to try and talk with Ally. To explain that the e-mail was from over 6 months ago. That at the time she had been going through a particularly rough down period where she wasn't just sad, she was mean to me. That it was written in frustration. Her sobbing intensified. That's what was killing me the most. That she was in pain, that I had caused it.
My supervisor caught me crying and pulled me into a room. She was really good about everything even though I couldn't really explain myself. There was too much back-story to explain myself. She let me take a sick day and sent me packing.
Things were fine after about an hour at home. Ally wanted to know why I just didn't tell her that I was feeling down. I tried to explain to her that when she's "sick" (that's her word for when the depression hits) I don't like to throw my feelings of sad down on her too. That she doesn't need it on top of everything.
She still feels hurt. There was a little more crying last night before I went home. She told me that she just kept thinking about how she could have lost me. It was all very heartbreaking.
And now I'm late for school. I don't even want to go.
Nicole
What I hear: Sarah Harmer